Web Developers Are Assholes

Right away, you’re probably wondering what gives me the right to call web developers assholes?

Well, because I am one.

🤔 Wait — did he mean asshole or web developer?

…Yes.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably in one of two camps: offended because you, yourself, are a web developer, or in total agreeance because you’ve worked with a web developer at any point over the last 20 years.

Sadly, whichever camp you’re in, I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed with my findings — but I think there’s something to learn here.

So, what makes web developers such certified, card-carrying assholes? Well, it’s not because they want to be. It’s because the job practically requires it. Let me explain…

Reason #1 Web Developers Are Assholes: Web developers are “computer people”.

Generally speaking, web developers didn’t decide to stare at code alone in a dark basement because they are people people — they did it because they’re computer people.

And here’s the thing about computer people: they have very little patience with the imperfections that are part of being human.

Web developers are fluent in logic, precision, and problem-solving. It’s basically a second language.

But unlike learning French, where even the worst impression of a honking goose can get you a croissant, code doesn’t offer grace.

One missed semicolon and the entire internet could go dark.

When your day job requires you to be ruthlessly exact 100% of the time, it’s hard to turn that off when Susan from Accounting sends an email with the subject line “Website broken” and the body of the message just says “HELP!” thinking that’s a damn-fine bug report.

Spoiler alert: It’s not.

It’s like a riddle wrapped inside of a mystery, inside a enigma — oh, and it’s on fire, urgent, and the developer is expected to read your mind, snap their fingers, and make everything right in the world again.

Because the web developer’s mind is wired to seek clarity and specificity, this kind of vague communication sounds like nails on a chalkboard to every web developer’s ears.

Reason #2: Everyone Thinks They’re a Web Developer

Thanks to platforms like Wix, Squarespace, and yes, even WordPress — anyone can publish content online.

Just like being able to heat up Spaghetti-O’s in a microwave doesn’t make you a chef, being able to drag-and-drop elements on your screen doesn’t make you a web developer. The problem is, anyone could tell the difference between canned Italian food and fine dining, the general public hasn’t developed a palette for discerning website disasters and masterpieces.

Plug your ears, developers, I’m gonna do that nails on the chalkboard thing again… But when a client says “I just need you to tweak a few things”, they have no idea the hell they hath reign upon their developer.

Those ‘little tweaks’ are just symptoms of a much bigger underlying problem. I mean, Spaghetti-O’s aren’t even spaghetti. They’re circular pasta bits soaking in sweet tomato-flavored goo. No amount of fresh basil is going to turn that into Nonna’s Sunday sauce.

DIY website builders make people feel like they’re part of an ancient craft, just like a can of Spaghetti-O’s makes you feel like you’re eating Italian. If Nonna was a master of semantic HTML instead of thinly shaved garlic, she’d be view-sourcing in disgust from beyond the grave.

Reason #3: The Internet Constantly Evolves

If web development had a motto, it would be “Everything you know is wrong now.”

Every day, a new framework, best practice, page builder, or browser update rolls in like it’s got a personal vendetta against your sanity.

One day it’s the Classic Editor, the next it’s Gutenberg, and just when you think you’ve finally wrapped your head around blocks, someone taps you on the shoulder and says “Have you tried full-site editing?”.

And, just for shits and giggles there’s no single right way to do anything.

Ask 10 developers, and you’ll get 12 different answers — each one more ‘correct’ than the last.

This is why web developers have developed a permanent, blank thousand-yard stare. They’re not just thinking about how to solve a problem — they’re calculating all 1,001 ways it could go wrong and deciding which hill they’re willing to die on in the inevitable Slack debate that follows.

Because, of course, every ‘simple’ solution requires 4 hours of back-and-forth, a few refactors, and dealing with ‘Well, Actually Guy,’ who pops in just to make sure no one makes it out alive.

It’s exhausting, never-ending, and it seems to get a little bit worse every three and a half seconds.

Reason #4: Nobody Notices (Until It’s Broken)

You know how nobody talks about the times you do lift the toilet seat, but the one time there’s a little splatter, it’s WW3?

That’s web development.

No body notices the semantic HTML, alt tags, or the blazing fast load times… But if one button is misaligned by 2 pixels, suddenly it’s like you insulted their dumb, ugly baby.

It’s not just the visibility of the problem, it’s the urgency.

If a website is running smoothly, nobody’s in a rush to give high-fives — but the second something is wrong, the whole world is on fire and all eyes are on you.

It doesn’t matter if the issue was caused by some janky third-party tracking script the client copy/pasted from a 12-year-old blog post. If it has a power button, and it’s not working, that’s on you, buddy.

I haven’t been to hell (yet), but I imagine it’s just fielding phone calls from clients who can’t get their email to work.

Here’s a fun game: name one time a client called you to say, “Hey, I just wanted to tell you everything is working perfectly”.

I’ll wait.

Reason #5: They’re Underpaid

Yes, you can use Wix for $5/mo — and you can also wear Velcro sneakers to a job interview.

But don’t be surprised when it doesn’t go well.

The problem is, people don’t understand what they’re paying for. “Build me a website” sounds simple. But what they’re actually want is:

• A strategist
• A designer
• A copywriter
• An accessibility expert
• A legal compliance officer
• A security expert
• A performance engineer
• A conversion optimization specialist
• An SEO

And they’d like it yesterday and for it to cost less than a latte.

You’re not paying for a website, you’re paying for the thousands of hours it takes to become even half-assed at just a few things from the list above.

I’d love to know if doctors have to deal with people thinking they can do their own open-heart surgery cause they saw a TikTok.

People think web developers are overcharging them, but if you knew how much time, education, and patience it takes to do this job, you’d wonder how anyone’s charging so little.

But, listen… I’m not here to tell you that you shouldn’t use Wix no more than I’m going to tell you that you shouldn’t eat Taco Bell for every meal. All I’m saying is you better budget for the diarrhea aftermath either way.

So, Yeah — Developers Are Assholes

Look, I get it. From the outside it might seem like web developers are a little… abrasive.

They’re short in emails. They ask 100 follow-up questions to the most simple requests. They’ll push back on creative ideas. They casually write “diarrhea aftermath” in blog posts as if it’s not completely unnecessary.

But I hope you can see it’s not all their fault.

When your day-to-day job requires precision, continued education, and being blamed for problems you didn’t cause, it’s hard to put on a smile when they’re told to “make it pop”.

And that’s the point. They’re not assholes because they want to be — they’re assholes because they have to be.

They’re fighting for the clarity, precision, and stability that holds the web together.

They’re not just some asshole, they’re our assholes.

So, next time you have the urge to send an email that says “The website is broken” maybe — just maybe — you could attach a screenshot.

It’s a start.